Abuse survivor and advocate Mark Douglass dies at age 70

Mark Douglass spoke out about surviving childhood sexual abuse in 1984, when adult victims — especially men — rarely came forward and time limits made it extremely difficult to seek justice.
In doing so, the Minneapolis lawyer became one of the first male survivors of childhood abuse in the country to successfully sue for damages. He also became an advocate who fought to change Minnesota's statutes of limitations in cases of childhood abuse.
"I really felt this man needed to be dealt with in a legal way. I chose to use the system I believe in," Douglass told the Star Tribune in 1988, after a groundbreaking verdict awarded him $1.27 million in damages in his suit against a family friend who began abusing him when he was 12.
In 1989, thanks in part to his advocacy, Minnesota passed a "delayed discovery" law, allowing adult survivors to sue for six years after becoming aware of past abuse. The Minnesota Child Victims Act went further in 2013.
"He went to the Legislature and said, 'We need to change this,' " said his wife, Ann Norrlander. "He would go by the letter of the law. He was very thorough, and he was very honest."
Douglass, who died on June 21 at age 70, was a caring, involved father of two as well as an outspoken advocate, his family said.
"I got the sense that raising a family was his primary purpose and source of fulfillment in life," said daughter Sarah Douglass. "Dad would want to be remembered as someone who was passionate about 'doing things right' and 'doing things differently.' "
Douglass, who died from a brain tumor, lost much of his vocabulary near the end of his life, but he retained the ability to speak about his favorite foods. "It wasn't until very late that he was unable to say 'bacon' and 'chocolate,' " said his daughter.
Born and raised in Minneapolis, he attended West High School before going to college at Harvard University. He returned to the Twin Cities to attend law school at Hamline University, then practiced real estate and probate law.
He loved to make connections and learn about people. "His personal rule was that conversations with strangers are best when they go far deeper than weather and baseball," said his daughter.
"Family lore says that after Mom and Dad's first dinner date, Mom told her sister, 'Boy, did I go out with a turkey tonight!' Dad had asked Mom about everything there was to ask, and Mom knew nothing of Dad."
Still, that date led to many more. Before he died, Douglass and Norrlander celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary.
In 2004, Douglass was on a trip to Amsterdam with his daughter when they witnessed an armed kidnapping. While they were unharmed, the traumatic event led Douglass to seek therapy and "led to the healing of very old wounds in me," he wrote in a self-help memoir published several years later, called "Flashbacks of Abuse."
After he retired, Douglass volunteered teaching English as a foreign language, enjoyed hunting with his English setter, and spent time restoring wood and canvas canoes. Last September, he was able to take a 100-year-old B.N. Morris canoe that he had finished restoring and paddle on the Minnesota River, his wife said.
He also created a unique orchard in the backyard of their southwest Minneapolis home.
"He would research everything. So, our apple trees are none of the ordinary apples," Norrlander said.
The family will hold a celebration of Douglass' life in his little orchard this fall. In addition to his wife and daughter Sarah, Douglass is survived by his son, James Douglass of California.
Douglas James
Mark and I were in Miss Westby's Humanity class. I know he got an "A++" in the final test. Yet, I just got a "B". Mark, RIP.Lynn Ronning
The human spirit is stronger than anything that can happen to it. The strength of Mark's human spirit propelled him to engage his challenges and make a difference in the lives of many. May his family know and Mark will find peace and reconciliation in all challenges.
Richard Campbell
Sorry to hear about Mark, what a courageous man for what he went through, a true hero peace
Geoffrey Ewing
I didn't know him well, but he was always a genuinely nice person which obviously translated into his doing wonderful things with his life. RIPPatricia Worwa (Zenk)
Mark was a very kind classmate treating everyone fairly and equally. It doesn't surprise me to hear how courageous he was in handling this terrible experience in his young life to help future victims. Sorry for your loss.Matthew Kalliman
After the election for student body president Mark invited me over to his home and gave me his well-worn copy of Dale Carnegie's book, "How to Win Friends and Influence People." That book has been called the second-best book in the world after the Bible. I still have it. Mark followed its principles and was a good friend.
Mary Alette Hinderlie (Davis)
Like so many of us, I had no idea of the crisis Mark was in during our formative years. As we were growing up, I could sense a certain formality that I always attributed to his intelligence. I had a chance to become reacquainted when his daughter Sarah took part in my husband's and my summer theater Shakespeare camp, and realized how much pain he had experienced, yet he was by then very relaxed and open and so proud of his daughter, who was also an expert skier. The journeys of so many of us are not evident, especially in our self centered adolescence, now knowing what he experienced, I am so impressed in his life choices as an adult. By speaking out, Mark gave others a voice for living more freely from a traumatic potential life limiting experience.
Lynnette Olson
Mark was one of the few who recognized my existence at West (and at reunions). He always acknowledged me in the halls. I know now that our eye contact shared pain that could not be verbally shared. May he now be in peace.Susan Maxwell
I am struck by the wonderful, kind and gracious expressions of sympathy and memories by/of many of our classmates about Mark Douglass.
I have worked on a non-profit agency board focused on childhood abuse and neglect for over 25 years and I understand how the sting, the stigma and the damage of abuse and neglect lasts a lifetime. Hopefully, Mark found some peace by exposing his horrid life experiences through successful litigation, writing about it and speaking about it. This was a great gift to our society from Mark.
We should all remember that all of what happened to Mark happened as we saw him every day in the classes and halls of West High. It is a good reminder not to judge another until "you have walked in his shoes." And I think it safe to assume that there were others in our class experiencing the same horror at the same time.
I encourage everyone desirous of posting a memory or expressing sympathy do so before his fall memorial in October. Let's find a way to share these comments and expressions with Mark's wife, Ann, and his family. They lived through much of the resulting issues, as well, over the 40 some years as a family with Mark.
And, let's all promise ourselves to understand that such horrendous abuse...mental or physical...really never heals. It gets "managed." It does not get erased. Let's try and temper our own judgements toward others. Let us learn from our loss.
I see the word "kindness" many times in what you have written. Mark is a lucky guy to be known as a kind and gracious person.
May he Rest in Peace knowing that for his contribution, we are better.
Mary Ann Steinberg (Kolb)
Mark's wife, Ann, and daughter, Sarah, have read our comments here. They sent me this email to thank us for the kind remarks and memories.
" Thank you for posting the marvelous article Erica wrote for the Star-Tribune for the West High class notes and for reaching out to Sarah and me. (I have long given up Facebook pages as a past-time activity!) Mark certainly had his demons to contend with early in his life and they pursued him relentlessly until he found the strength to turn and confront them. Of course, that is a difficult but liberating path to follow and in the last ten years of his life, I think he was truly happy, despite the thought that all of his efforts on behalf of abuse victims had gone essentially unnoticed. With the publishing of his book in 2007 and with the newspaper article, it turns out that concern of his was not warranted. And I think he would be be truly grateful that so many of his acquaintances remember him, and do so with respect, love and a degree of awe. My thanks to you, to you all. Sincerely, Ann Norrlander "